1. “I’m so not ready for that [insert task here]”
I’m pretty sure the world is divided into two sets of people: people who say this and people who hate the people who say this. Unfortunately for me, I fall into the former category. If you belong to the latter, when someone says “I’m so not ready for _____”, simply allow it to translate to “I’m so nervous” in your mind. Not all of us have the confidence to say “I will ace this thing!” in response to that “Are you ready?” question… especially if there’s even a 1% chance we could fail.
2. “You’re still young”
You hear this saying a lot from those of the older generation in relation to life’s milestones. Usually it’s after you’ve given an unsatisfactory answer to one of their probing questions. Unfortunately, when they say “you’re still young”, what they mean is “you’re not young anymore… you should really get your shit together.” And it’s only a matter of time before they start telling you that.
3. “Just kidding!”
Because the best jokes need to be suffixed with “just so you know, this was a joke. Laugh please.” Situations where “just kidding” is used are usually situations where at least a small glimmer of truth was in what was just said, but the voice-er doesn’t want to offend you. Or they do, but they don’t want to be caught by others doing it.
4. “Let’s keep in touch”
How many times have we said this with absolutely no intention of keeping in touch with that person? “Let’s keep in touch” has become the polite way of saying “you’re slightly interesting, but not enough for me to expend effort in building a relationship with” or “you’re not interesting at all. Let me politely get you to leave.” At least there’s a socially acceptable way to dismiss people from your life.
5. “No rush” / “Take your time”
Nothing rushes me more than when someone says “take your time”, because they just reminded me that I am taking up their time in waiting on me. I feel like I was daydreaming while paying for my items at the grocery store, and someone just tapped me on the shoulder and showed me that there was a line full of people behind me. I’ve caught myself being on the giving end of such a line – and if the person then takes more than a few days in getting the item to me, I get legitimately pissed off. I’m trying to get into a better habit of giving others a legitimate timeline instead of simply “no rush” or “take your time” – “could you get this back to me within a week?” means practically the same thing and doesn’t take a dictionary that doesn’t exist to translate.